oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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