I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
