we're making bets on your personal life
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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