I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
