I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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