the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
