How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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