i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
