This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
