theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
