Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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