i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
