if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
