chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
