I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
