If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I am naked and annoyed.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
