I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
