Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
