Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
