i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
