WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
