Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Randomize
