I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
