Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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