how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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