You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
