Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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