it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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