is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
