Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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