I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
