party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
