I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
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I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
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Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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