Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
