just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
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At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
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Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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