I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
