im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
