the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I think my moral compass just broke
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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