Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
When did we convert life to cartoon?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
my penis made a compromise with my morals
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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