saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
