Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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