I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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