WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
