he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
