Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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