Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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