her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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