No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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