I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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