this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
