Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
