end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
