She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
