I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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