I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
only you would photoshop your dick
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
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