your room smells of hookers.
And success
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
