At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
do nipples grow back?
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