u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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