he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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