i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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