I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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