Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
