i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
He passed out mid-signature
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
