you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Drunk is a universal language darling
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