They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Randomize
