You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
