She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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