don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
