I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
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