please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
