so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
