You really coming over, don't trick.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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