I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
