you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
