I wish my penis had an off switch
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
