On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
